January 2005 Wade Boggs and Ryne Sandberg are elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame by the BBWAA. Both men are given passes by the BBWAA that allows them to give interviews for the next 20 years where they can say, "Players today just aren't the same as they were in my day."
February 2005 The Cubs traded once-revered power hitter Sammy Sosa to Baltimore for Jerry Hairston, Jr. and some magic beans. The magic beans are the most valuable part of the trade at the end of the year.
March 2005 The House Committee on Government Reform summons baseball executives and players to Washington to be grilled about steroids. Retired slugger Mark McGwire says he won't talk about the past. Unsure if this means he can't remember the past, one Congressman offers McGwire a Polaroid camera and asks why he has a tattoo that says "Jose C injected me with steroids" when viewed in a mirror.
April 2005 The Los Angeles Dodgers jump out to a 12-2 start setting up fans in Los Angeles for the mother of all disappointments. The Chicago White Sox jump out to a 16-4 start setting up fans in the South Side of Chicago to continue pinching themselves to make sure that the entire season is not a dream.
May 2005 The Kansas City Royals finish the first two months with a record of 14-37. But they win on May 31, the first of a 3-game sweep against the Yankees under new manager Buddy Bell. But the infusion of hope soon dissipates and a 5-21 August consigns the Royals to a 56-106 record. The offseason brings hope as the Royals sign Doug Mientkiewicz and hope that he can bring his magic baseball from the 2004 World Series.
June 2005 The month ends with the Washington Nationals leading the NL East with a 47-31 record. GM Jim Bowden and manager Frank Robinson are hailed as geniuses. The Nats finish the season 24-50 and Bowden blames the players for not performing well enough while Robinson blames Mike Scioscia, Brendan Donnelly, the media, "kids today", and his team's inability to score. Cristian Guzman absolves himself of blame.
July 2005 The All-Star Game is played in Detroit. And players still show up for the game anyway. Carolyn Hughes does pregame work for Fox's broadcast. Hughes' broadcasting career gets torpedoed when she starts an off-field relationship with Dodgers pitcher Derek Lowe. No joke necessary.
August 2005 The San Diego Padres lead the NL West for much of the month despite having an overall losing record. There is no truth to the rumor that all five NL West teams heard that the division title was going to the team that made the lowest bid. The Padres eventually rally to win 82 games. And dismantle this powerhouse in the offseason.
September 2005 - The Cleveland Indians put together their second straight 19-8 month to put themselves back into the AL Central and Wildcard race. But from September 25 through October 1, the Indians drop 6 of 7 games, including 2 of 3 to the Devil Rays at home, and the team misses the playoffs by two games. Los Angeles Times sportswriter Bill Plaschke faults Cleveland GM Mark Shapiro for trading the game's greatest second baseman, Alex Cora, to Boston down the stretch for Cleveland's failure.
October 2005 The Chicago White Sox win 11 of 12 postseason games to win their first World Series since 1917. The White Sox look for a celebrity White Sox fan to throw out the first pitch of Game 1 of the World Series, but find they all root for the Cubs so they ask D.B. Sweeney and David Strathairn to share the honors.
November 2005 Dodgers owner Frank McCourt looks for a scapegoat for the Dodgers disastrous 2005 season. McCourt walks inside general manager Paul DePodesta's office and discovers that the young GM has fled the area and left an actual goat behind. McCourt makes the goat his acting GM saying that the Dodgers were going to think outside the box when it came to hiring a GM. Ultimately, Ned Colletti is hired as GM and the goat is put in a box and sent to a slaughterhouse.
December 2005 The Hot Stove Season heats up. The Marlins tell teams, "We need to reduce inventory. We'll make a deal. You want a shortstop, we'll give you a middle reliever too." The Yankees sign Red Sox star Johnny Damon and give him a haircut. The Dodgers assemble the 1998 All-Star team to draw fans back to Chavez Ravine. The Pittsburgh Pirates try to reassemble the 2005 Dodgers. The NL Central Champion Cardinals discover that no one wants to play for the best team in the league anymore. ESPN and the East Coast press anoint the Mets as the team to beat. The World Baseball Classic attracts the best players in the world to play in it. Unless they're on the Yankees.