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These things I believe
2008-12-13 12:10
by Bob Timmermann
  • People waste a lot of energy fretting over free agency signings. In all sports.
  • There should not be a college football playoff until I find out just what the magicJack St. Petersburg Bowl is about. I believe no actual magic is involved.
  • The World Baseball Classic will never be as big as the FIFA World Cup until it gets Togo to participate.
  • I like sports talk radio as much as I like shooting myself in the head.
  • I have not shot myself in the head lately.
  • I live in a world where people think Matt Vasgersian is really funny.
  • I am buying a rocket to shoot me into space to avoid living in this world.
  • Most people don't find the actual counting of the Electoral College votes as exciting as I do.
  • The NFL Network is available only in Cuba, the Maritime Provinces of Canada, and to people who are rich enough to afford flying jet cars piloted by holographic versions of Rich Eisen.
  • People who root for Notre Dame will have to answer for it in their afterlife.
  • People who root for the University of Arizona or the University of Wisconsin will have to answer for it when their livers fail.
  • Football game halftime shows are, without fail, a waste of time that could be better spent doing something productive, like going to the bathroom or working on the rocket to shoot me out into space.
  • There is no professional sport for which I want to watch its amateur draft. Ever.
  • I am, for the most part, no fun.
  • I believe the final "answer" about "Lost" will be unsatisfying to me. Mostly because it won't involve catcher's interference.
  • I would have been accepted into Stanford back in 1983 if I hadn't answered their application essay by starting off, "This is a very stupid question."
  • I will never be able to visit all 50 states in person because there is a price on my head in Arkansas.





2008-12-13 13:15:42
1.   underdog
Who the heck thinks Matt Vasgersian is really funny? I want names and addresses.
2008-12-13 13:18:22
2.   Gagne55
That reminded me of how my school came so close to beating Wisconsin, but ultimately failed. So many missed extra points!
2008-12-13 15:06:15
3.   dianagramr
You sir, are a very strange man.

(and I salute you for it!)

2008-12-13 17:14:26
4.   Bob Hendley
Most people don't find the actual counting of the Electoral College votes as exciting as I do.

Will they be counting Gov. Stan Mikita's vote?

2008-12-13 18:08:09
5.   JMK
You funny. Funny ha ha, not funny strange. Though I guess you're both.
2008-12-13 18:13:37
6.   Gagne55
4 An elector defected?
2008-12-13 18:21:15
7.   Bob Hendley
6 - More like indicted, the Governor of Illinois (just trying to generate some excitement for non-Timmermanns).
2008-12-13 19:35:43
8.   jjf3
amen...(nothing I can add...)
2008-12-13 21:57:47
9.   Linkmeister
What crime did you commit in Arkansas?
2008-12-14 08:21:39
10.   fordprefect
d--- Mustangs!
2008-12-14 08:28:25
11.   fordprefect
I love the manifestos.

--And shouldn't we expect a last-minute coaching snafu if Togo did manage to make it in?

2008-12-14 08:49:45
12.   Bob Hendley
I enjoy very much the underlying message of hope in this system of beliefs. That somehow he is needed and wanted in space, when the evidence suggests that the only place he is actually wanted is in Arkansas.
2008-12-14 11:31:11
13.   Eric Stephen
Bob, this post cracked me up. This Timmermannifesto will be the standard by which all future manifestos will be measured.

I like Matt Vasgersian, but I don't know if I would use the term "very funny" to describe him. Unless it was in the standard that TBS uses to measure the humor on that network.

2008-12-14 15:17:19
14.   Ken Noe
The only things worse than football halftime shows are football pregame shows. Especially if they involve Fox. But really, Arkansas?
2008-12-14 18:18:14
15.   68elcamino427
When the rocket launches I'll be playing Get Off of My Cloud in your honor.
2008-12-15 10:06:49
16.   kinbote
Regarding the NFL Network, it comes with my Dish Network package, and I'm far from rich. (I'm a good old fashioned public school teacher in fact!) Enjoyed the list.

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