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Where Marlins can jump as high as an elephant's eye
2006-02-16 11:19
by Bob Timmermann

The Lieutenant Governor of Oklahoma, Mary Fallin, is trying to get the Florida Marlins to move to Oklahoma.

If that happens, I'll just sit alone and talk and watch Andre Dawson make lazy circles in the sky. It's also believed that if a major league stadium is built in Oklahoma, architects will travel to Kansas City for ideas because everything is up to date there. Relievers will be brought in from the bullpen in a pretty little surrey with a fringe on the top.

2006-02-16 11:37:41
1.   Derek Smart
However, the surrey will be abandoned mid-season, as lawsuits mount due to the horrific experiences had by many fans - referred to colloquially as "Nosey Pokes" - who, upon viewing the surrey, have their eyes, quite literally, pop.
2006-02-16 12:10:32
2.   Ken Arneson
The Oklahoma Marlins: the Utah Jazz of baseball.

If you go by the numbers in this report:

Oklahoma City might be a decent candidate for an NBA team, but it falls way, way short in having enough personal income to support an MLB team.

Required personal income to support:
an MLB team: $89.2 billion
an NBA team: $38.4 billion

Total personal income in:
Oklahoma City: $32.8 billion
Oklahoma: $93.6 billion

You'd have to consider the entire state of Oklahoma as being part of the "metro region" of Oklahoma City in order for the numbers to work. Plus, you'd have to get rid of the Hornets.

2006-02-16 12:16:16
3.   Bob Timmermann
The state fish of Oklahoma is the White Bass.
2006-02-16 18:09:17
4.   scareduck
Maybe they'd just as soon not encounter these elephants:

(Most of it's behind a pay wall, but there's enough there that you get my gist.)

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