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Personal favorites that I wrote
Matt Wise out with salad-related injury
2006-06-28 15:51
by Bob Timmermann

Brewers reliever Matt Wise has not been able to pitch since Saturday after cutting the middle finger on his pitching hand with a pair of salad tongs.

Few people know that Lou Gehrig almost sat out a game after getting a corn cob holder stuck in his thigh.

And Cal Ripken nearly missed a start when a lemon zester was accidentally impaled in his shoulder.

2006-06-28 16:03:28
1.   Humma Kavula
And who can forget when Albert Belle nearly deoculated himself with a melon baller.
2006-06-28 16:16:20
2.   DXMachina
Salad shooters are the worst. That's why they're banned in so many clubhouses. (All the major league clubs except the Giants. Felipe likes his radishes sliced just so.)

Everything is fun and games until someone loses an eye.

2006-06-28 16:22:31
3.   Bob Timmermann
What I really want is a Daisy Brand Red Ryder repeating BB carbine with a compass mounted in the stock
2006-06-28 16:23:42
4.   DXMachina
You'll shoot your eye out!
2006-06-28 16:26:28
5.   Bob Timmermann
That was one of my mom's favorite movies as she was about the same age as Ralphie.
2006-06-28 16:26:54
6.   DXMachina
Two Christmases ago, my sisters and my mother, thinking themselves hilarious, gave me an electric leg lamp as a present. It came in a wooden crate marked with something in Italian, and filled with two lawn bags full of excelsior.
2006-06-28 16:29:09
7.   DXMachina
At least it came with a copy of the DVD. It is one of my very favorite movies.

Although, every time I hear the line "He worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay," I think of Tommy Lasorda.

2006-06-28 16:31:09
8.   Greg Brock
Ooooooooh, Fragile! It must be Italian!!!
2006-06-28 16:33:12
9.   Linkmeister
6 Dare I ask where you put the thing? Garage, basement shop, kids' bedroom...?
2006-06-28 16:33:41
10.   DXMachina
Anyway, it means I can have the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in my window anytime I want.
2006-06-28 16:37:15
11.   DXMachina
9 - It's currently in the attic, where it will likely stay until I sell it on eBay. I took the crate apart, removing something like two hundred nails in the process. Give a guy a nail gun, and there's no stopping him. Those are probably banned from clubhouses, too, which gets us back on topic.
2006-06-28 19:58:20
12.   StolenMonkey86
That's still not as good as John Smoltz ironing a shirt he was wearing.
2006-06-29 03:15:40
13.   DXMachina
True that. And now Home Depot wants Smoltz to help me with my home improvement projects. This is the last guy I want showing me how to use power tools.
2006-06-29 07:32:50
14.   Bob Timmermann
And before I went to bed last night, I stuck the fingertip of my left ring finger on a razor blade and opened up a nasty cut.

Not weird, but it's a amazing how much a tiny cut can bleed if done just so.

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